


Now Hiring

by Emperor_Quarter



Category: Blood of Zeus (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Enjoy!, Gen, added a tiny dash of Disney hades to the overworked manager personality, and encouraging the madness, basically a what happens next and leading up to s2, but I’m pretty happy with how my Hades turned out, but like the premise of it is I guess, but that day is not today, characterization is Tough, hades is Tired of This Shit, i don’t know what i’m doing, seraphim characterization is hard I’ll get it eventually, thank you BoZ discord for putting up with me, this isn’t really crack it’s taken super serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28035687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emperor_Quarter/pseuds/Emperor_Quarter
Summary: “What do you want then?” Seraphim growled.Hades sighs. “I want you and your little group to stop killing people.”“What?”“I want you to stop killing people. Ending their life, cutting the thread, whatever you want to call it. It’s a mess down here because of you. The amount of souls we have is overflowing. Charon can only carry so many people, and the charity Persephone has been running to give you mortals obols is running low. The judges are getting sloppy and severely need some R&R, not to mention the amount of paperwork I have to keep up with!”
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	Now Hiring

Charon is silent as he dips his oar into the stream, eyes fixed on the god and the new soul. The mortal didn’t waver, didn’t flinch in fear or bow before Hades. In fact, he screamed at him.

Seraphim really didn’t care what this man did to him. He was already in a terrible mood, the pain from the constant pressure of the giant turning into numbness. He couldn’t feel anything anymore, minus the sharp pain from where he had been stabbed.

Charon rolled the obol between his bony fingers (who had decided to give mercy enough to give it to Seraphim, he didn’t know) and watched as Hades started looking more and more disturbed at Seraphim’s antics.

The third person on the boat watched the soul with a raised eyebrow. His toga was dark, the mists from the river rising to shroud parts of him. His eyes bore into Seraphim’s silently, waiting for the man to stop his tirade.

“Are you finished?” Hades asked, and Seraphim’s mouth tilted closed. “I simply asked you to kneel before a god, there’s no need for this sort of response.”

And the soul had the audacity to hiss at him. Well then, Hades was already thinking over ways to punish this man in Tartarus. The amount blood on his hands was big, too big for any normal mortal to have. This monster was relentless, he had killed thousands. 

(One thousand eight hundred and thirty-five, Hades knew the exactly number, for he had to note them all down once the Keres started bringing them in. Getting through all the files was exhausting).

Hades crossed his arms. “I want to offer you a way out of this, since you already are a hassle enough and the last time I had someone like you in Tartarus, I had to organize a group of souls from Asphodel to help clean up and rebuild. Which was _not_ easy, by the way. They were dead and they _still_ wanted hourly wages. But if you continue to act like an infant in the face of a god, I’m afraid I will have no choice but to take away that offer.”

Well, _that_ shut the soul up. Hades’ mouth turned upward into a small smile.

“What do you want me to do? Create a war between the gods so you can take the throne?” Seraphim asked dryly. Charon whacked him on the head with the oar, and Seraphim grumbled. 

“Fates no, it’s already stressful enough down here, I can barely get through the day. I wouldn’t survive Olympian politics and mortal destinies. Though I am happy to hear that my incompetent little brother is out of commission for awhile, it might get a little quieter around here with none of Zeus’ affairs and bastards running about.” Hades let out a small noise of discontentment. It was always the same, Zeus’ lovers crying and pleading that they didn’t want this and the children swearing revenge. 

“What _do_ you want then?” Seraphim growled.

The God of the Underworld smiled, pointed teeth and sharp edges flickering in the dull light. “Finally, asking the smart questions.”

“Don’t start talking in riddles,” Seraphim warns, “or I will take the punishment and refuse to help you.”

Hades sighs. “Not the brightest I see, stop arguing with me and just listen. I want you and your little group to stop killing people.”

“What?”

“I want you to stop killing people. Ending their life, cutting the thread, whatever you want to call it. It’s a mess down here because of you!”

Seraphim’s shocked silence made him smirk for a moment. The soul opened and closed his mouth like a little fish, it was amusing.

“I know there are more of your kind still alive, and they are growing, forming their own ranks and commanders while you are here. I want you to work alongside the other mortals and stop them.”

“What?” Seraphim’s voice was loud enough to hear from Elysium, and Hades groaned.

“Your little group has brought nothing but exhaustion for me. The amount of souls we have is overflowing. Charon can only carry so many people, and the charity Persephone has been running to give you mortals obols is running low. The judges are getting sloppy and severely need some R&R, not to mention the amount of paperwork I have to keep up with! All the forms I have to fill out, the housing arrangements, the trials I have to sit through, and don’t even get me started on the accounting!”

The soul finally seems to be slightly disturbed by this, shifting his gaze away from the god. Hades’ mouth turned up into a small smile at this, before continuing.

“So, I want you to cease this tirade of yours. The war is over. Zeus and Hera are no longer ruling. You have sought your revenge and earned it. There is nothing else for you to do. I could leave you to your fate, but frankly, I need someone to put an end to this nightmare. We’re too busy down here and the Olympians wouldn’t raise a finger. Oh, and make sure there’s not another war stirring up there. Get them to behave like competent people instead of ill-tempered infants and not start killing mortals. If they want my vote, Hestia would make a good Queen.”

He raised a hand, and Charon stopped rowing. The looming presence of Tartarus suddenly didn’t seem so daunting, and Seraphim exhaled a small sigh of relief.

“So Seraphim, what do you say? Will you do what I ask and get a second chance, or be condemned to Tartarus forever?”

The soul turns to look at Hades, thinking it over. “What will happen if I do take the offer?” He asks, arching an eyebrow.

Hades leans forward. “Consider this a job hire, but you won’t be getting any wages. And no time off, if I don’t get paid vacations neither do you. Thanatos will being keep an eye on you while you work, and if you step out of line you will be brought back here without the offer. But if you go through with it to the end, you’ll be free to live out the rest of your life until the Fates decide otherwise. Unless you start a murder rampage again, then the Keres can become… quite persuasive.” He smiles a bit, reveling in the conflict in Seraphim’s eyes. This man wants a second chance, desperately, but the lingering effects of the giant still hold, a being whose power he cannot counteract.

There’s a long pause, and it seems as if the entire Underworld goes silent. The Furies stopped their noisy torments long enough to hear only the slight rustling of the Styx. 

Seraphim looked out towards Tartarus calculating carefully, before looking towards Hades defeatedly.

“When do you want me to go?” He asks.

Hades’ eyes widened and he grinned. “Now,” he said, and watched as Seraphim disappeared from the boat.


End file.
